Celtic Mythology Research
The Celtics were located in Europe during the Iron Age, and had their own beliefs about the creation of the world and the creation of man.
According to the Celtic beliefs, there was nothingness in the beginning of time, other than the sea and the land. This is one of many similarities between this myth and others from around the world. Sea foam, apparently, must have been an exception to the nothingness because at some point there was a horse, named Eiocha, born from this magical sea foam of nothingness. She began to eat small impossibly present white berries that she found in order to sustain herself, and this got her pregnant (which is weird). She soon went into labor with her son, Cernunnous, and while giving birth was in extreme pain. Her pain was so great, that she completely flipped out and ripped bark off of a nearby tree, which somehow also existed. She violently threw the bark into the nearby ocean, and it created the “Giants of the Deep.”
The Giants of the Deep were most likely crazy party animals, because they made the both Eiocha and Cernunnos feel completely lonely, worthless, and bored out of their minds so they decided, “Eh, what the heck: let’s have some babies together.” Soon, the Gods Maponos, Tauranis, Teutates, and the Goddess Epora were born. However, Eiocha, apparently being bored with her simple life of Goddess/stay-at-home-mom, escaped into the sea without even bothering to say goodbye to her wonderful children and loving husband/son. She ran to the water and, being made of sea foam, transformed into Tethra, a Goddess of the Sea. I guess you could call her a sea-horse. *haha.*
So up on land you have this broken home, and all these lonely kid-Gods and Goddesses who are all whining about having not having anyone to boss around. At one point, Cernunnos was just kinda like; “Fine. I’ll make you some slaves if it means you’ll stop bothering me and let me rest every once in a while! It’s not easy, you know, being a single parent of four! At least I try my best… I would like it if you all could just show some respect once in a while.”
True to his words, Cernunnos took wood from the big oak tree, just like in the creation of the Giants, and made a man and a woman for his kids to play with, as well as numerous other animals. He then rudely yelled at the magical tree and commanded it to grow into a large forest, sheltering all his creations. The children also made some of their own creations from the tree. Epona designed the horse, in remembrance of her “loving” mother. Teutates created a bow and arrow from the limbs of the tree to satisfy his intense need of violence. Tauranis built thunder and lightning, using them to attack and scare off the small, innocent creatures of the forest. Maponos, however, being ridiculously awesome, built himself a harp and escaped into the sanctuary of the forest to play. He comforted the animals with his songs and found peace within himself. Did I mention that he’s super hot and has partial control of the Universe?
And no, he’s NOT gay.
So up on land, all the Gods and Goddesses were having a jolly good time, and now it was the Giant’s turn to stare in envy. The tables had turned and now they were being whiny brats because they had no one to boss around, and they began to plot against the Gods that were on land. However, Tethra heard talk of the Giant’s plot and decided to “call up her baby-daddy” and worn him and his children of the coming attack.
The Gods and Goddesses hid inside the big oak tree that had helped in the becoming of this world, and threw attacks at the Giants of the Deep. The Giants recoiled by using the power of the waves to attack the land. It was a vicious battle, but eventually the Giants were so overwhelmed that they made an escape back into the ocean. Afterwards, Tethra, apparently still having an ounce of heart for her family, flipped out on the Giants and bound them to the sea for life, never to return to land. This had the inexplicable reaction of, “Thanks mom!”
Tethra also saved one man and one woman, who played the roles of Adam and Eve in our history. Maponos, being ridiculously awesome, single-handedly repaired the sky, and from the pieces of the sky new Gods and Goddesses were created, and all of them returned to their home near the big oak tree.
So, I guess you could say that they lived happily ever after. That is, until we came along and messed everything up.
The End.
